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YOU FEEL IT ‘TIL YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH: BROS PUT SOUR NOTE ON SWEETHEARTS’ SEASON

AUSTIN, Texas (AP)- Last night at the Pond Hockey Club the Bros Hockey Club gutted out their second straight win against the top-ranked SweetHarts. The Boys in Black were quarterbacked by broalie Steven “Creep” Sullivan and captain Andrew“Anyone Can Play Guitar” Feigenbaum. In front of a full house packed with more bromies than Travis Ross’s fan club, the Bros and ‘Harts battled it out for the full 50 minutes. This match was exciting to watch, but exhausting to play. Both teams were full throttle on every forecheck and backcheck, and the fans certainly got their money’s worth. The Bros opened up the scoring for either side when Noah “Ripcord” Leggett, on loan from the Roadrunner League’s Blue Lions, sauced a pass to Feigenbaum, who then carried the puck into the offensive zone and pumped a wrist shot snipe from the right side face-off circle into the twine after a scoreless first seven minutes. The ‘Harts responded a few minutes later before taking a 3-1 lead. Forward Danno “Prove Yourself” Pranno lit the lamp for the Bros second goal off a beautiful set up by Mic “Stop Whispering” Bush, who ended up having a big game with Pranno. After the game, Bush commented that he was just relieved to score, and thinks that the monkey is now off his back. As the first half came to a close, the Bros found themselves down in a 3-2 hole.

The second half opened up sloppy for both teams. After a few minutes of two very tired times battling, and a sloppy ‘Harts goal, Feigenbaum pulled a rebound off a miraculous Sullivan save and went coast to coast, again sniping ‘Harts goalie Michael Nightingale from the right side faceoff circle, mushing the Bros to within one goal. Bush picked off Nightingale from a beautiful pass from Pranno, who stripped the puck from the ‘Harts off the boards in the neutral zone, tying the game at four with 10 minutes remaining. Defenseman Matty “Blow Out” Young somehow found the puck in traffic and scored to put the Bros out front 5-4. The goal appeared to initially belong to Fabian “Vegetable” Figi, but upon further review in the War Room in Toronto, the goal was awarded to Young. With the clock winding down and pressure coming hard from both teams, the defense and Sullivan kicked it into broverdrive. Although the ‘Harts were able to tie the game up at five, their offensive charges were thwarted again and again as Roy “Thinking About You” St. John, Young, Leggett, and Feigenbaum helped Sullivan build an impenetrable wall that made even Donald Trump envious.

With two minutes to go in the slugfest, Figi found the puck in the corner on the forecheck from a Ross “How Do You?” Tagtow pass. Figi wrapped around the net, cradled the puck, found a seam and went bar down on what ended up being the game-winning goal and top play of the game on Sportscenter last night. Tagtow got bodychecked hard with a minute remaining and careened into the boards. After picking himself up, Tagtow hustled down the ice and planted himself in front of the net for the ‘Harts final offensive barrage. After the snow settled, and bodies were picked up off the ice, the Bros emerged victorious from the rubble.

Next week, the Bros look to win their third straight game against their rivals Layin’ Pipe. The two teams always bring out the best in each other in what promises to be an electrifying match up.

YOUR Mister Tramps Sports Pub & Cafe BY THE NUMBERS:
1- Number of goals against separating Layin’ Pipe and the Bros for best in the league.
2- Game-winning goals by Figi this season.
9- Straight penalty shots stopped by Sullivan.

GAME NOTES:
-Scott McNearney was scratched due to an extraterrestrial event occurring on NBC.
– Marc Henderson was scratched because he went on a three hour tour and hasn’t been seen since.
– Steph Meyer was scratched because he decided to go fulfill a lifelong dream of dressing up as Aladdin while walking through Disneyworld.

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