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AND THEN WE SAID, “OK WHAT’S NEXT?” BROS MAINTAIN MEDIOCRITY WITH WIN OVER ROCKETS

AUSTIN, Texas (AP)- The Mediocre Marvel known as Bros HC dazzled again last night at The Pond Hockey Club, handily defeating the Red Rockets 7-3 in the battle for third place. This is the Bros third straight third place finish. Playing with a light bench and heavy hearts, the team gutted through first half tribulations to pull away in the second. Both teams hit the ice with truculence. With the scent of playoffs wafting in and out of the rink rafters, the puck was dropped and both teams brought physical presence from the start. After several minutes of scoreless hockey and fantastic puck movement by both teams, the Bros struck first when Ross “We Rise Again” Tagtow shuffled a backhand dribbler to the far corner of the net. The play was set up by scrappy presence from Dan “Dig Deep Enough” Pranno. Shortly thereafter, the Bros jumped out to a 2-0 lead when Fabian “My Gypsy Auto Pilot” Figi buried a wrist shot through a heavily-protected crease. The comfortable lead was short lived, however, as the Rockets scored off a helmet deflection from an impossible angle. Not to be outdone, Pranno retaliated with a contested wraparound goal of his own. Upon further review, referee Mike Spell determined that the puck definitively crossed the goal line, reestablishing the two-goal lead.

As the clock wound down in the first period, the Rockets scored again, reducing the Bros lead to one goal heading into the half. On-ice correspondent Pierre McGuire spoke to Bros’ broalie Steven “The Other Side of Rainbow” Sullivan” at the half, and asked him about the Bros’ strategy heading into the second half. Sullivan responded, “Well, Pierre, the boys look really good tonight. The passing is lit A-F, and the forwards just need to keep involving the point on the forecheck and we’ll be alright.” The Bros heeded their savior/saver’s advice, and immediately took control of the game in the second half. Tagtow quickly put the Boys in Black up by two goals again with a top shelf wrister, and Figi followed suit. With less than three minutes of second-half hockey in the books, the Bros jumped out to a 5-2 lead.

The Blacksweaters defense simply suffocated the Rockets forecheck throughout the second half. Marc “We Shall Sail” Henderson appeared to be back in form after suffering from a cracked sternum a few weeks ago in a freak morning skate incident. Henderson looked comfortable skating the puck into the Rockets’ zone and quarterbacked the team while on the ice. Tagtow seemingly blocked at least nine shots in the second half alone and played fantastic positional hockey. For his two goals and transcendental defensive play, Tagtow was awarded the coveted Gonzales flag. Roy “It Is The Way You Name Your Ship” St. John played his best game of the season last night. Hockey journalists write almost weekly about how much St. John has improved this season, and he is truly becoming a defenseman’s defenseman. St. John stifled the Rockets countless times and provided excellent coverage for Sullivan. Captain Andrew “I Just Realized” Feigenbaum and St. John continuously forced the Rockets to take bad shots from the blue line or from the corners, and eliminated the Rockets’ middle centering pass attempts.

The Rockets scored their third and final goal of the game midway through the second half, but Bro Steph “Lost Innocent World” Meyer took control and maneuvered the puck through a sea of red to score. Meyer was a game-day decision, and played through a knee injury. Team trainers cleared him to play shortly before the opening faceoff. Meyer’s neutral zone presence and backchecking has improved considerably this season, and his game has matured greatly this season. A perfectly placed pass from Meyer’s Graf twig found the tape of Scott “Amen” Van Pelt, who ended his scoring drought with a top shelf ringaround. The goal, the Bros’ seventh of the game, was the final dagger in the Red Rockets season. With six minutes remaining, the Bros switched into puck management mode, and held off the Rockets. Sullivan cruised through the second half, and effortlessly protected the blue paint for the Bros.

The next season of Bros hockey begins Monday, June 13th, at the Pond.

GAME NOTES:
Scott “John The Conqueror (Truth Is Always The Same)” McNearney missed the game due to conditioning for the Running of the Bulls.
Matty “Malandrino” Young was scratched because he was filling in for Jake, from State Farm.
Mic “Hieroglyph” Bush was scratched because of adverse side effects from the performance-enhancing protein he discovered in the lab a few weeks ago.

BY THE NUMBERS:
3- Straight third place finishes
13- Straight penalty shot stops by Sullivan.

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