THE GUNS OF BROTON: BROS CRUSH UNDEFEATED SWEETHEARTS 7-6

AUSTIN, Texas (AP)- Last night in what became an epic struggle between B league powerhouses, the Bros defeated the previously undefeated Sweethearts 7-6. The game was a brutal physical struggle down to the last seconds of the game. The Bros stuck to the game plan and kept cool despite extremely chippy, physical play from the Sweethearts. This is the Bros third win in as many games, and may signal a change from their traditional mediocre performance.

The Bros came out with a tough start, starting flat footed in a very “un-bro” fashion. Sweethearts dominated the early play and came out strong, taking an early lead in the first with a lucky deflection goal. The Bros came right back to life with a quick response – Eddie “Clampdown” Valls threw one past the Sweetheart’s goalie to get the Bros on the board. Playing shorthanded, the Bros gave up an odd-man rush shortly after which the Sweethearts capitalized on quickly. The neutral zone was a big struggle for the Bros all night, giving up lots of 2 on 0’s, 3 on 1’s, and 1 on 0’s – fortunately Broalie Sullivan came to play. The Bros played with the new diamond formation again last night, bringing an intense pressure to revitalize the Bro offense. Seasoned Bro-Vet Marc “Four Horsemen” Hendersenko and Roy “Koka Kola” St. John were the Bros only defensemen last night and fought a long grueling battle to the end. Roy continues a streak of excellent defensive play, neutralizing the ‘hearts at every turn. Marc “Four Horsemen” racked up an early blue-line snipe to take the lead late in the first. Marc struggled with the ice conditions all game, but pulled out a strong performance and held out strong against an aggressive, physical Sweethearts offense. Pierre managed to catch up with Marc after the game –

Pierre: “Marc, I saw you had some trouble with the puck tonight, what happened?”
Marc: “F&#% you Pierre!”

The Bros offense showed up to play. Ross “Spanish Bombs” Tagtow came up with a quick top shelf snipe, tying up the game in the first. The goal came after a dirty hit on Tagtow, which took the crowd’s breath away. Tagtow and Valls are finding strong chemistry and have quickly clawed their way to the title of the Bro’s most dangerous line. Valls came up with a second goal late in the game as well, a tap-in off an excellent cross ice pass. Scott “Death or Glory” Poniewaz was also a monster on the ice. Though he wasn’t able to get on the score sheet, “Death or Glory” made the Sweethearts fight for every inch, laying big hits and controlling the neutral zone to stop the other team’s advances. Dan “I’m not Down” Pranno was also unable to get on the score sheet, but had some great looks in front of the net – Pranno’s next goal won’t be far away. Pranno also came through on the beer front, supplying a particularly appropriate Brexit themed beer spread. Pranno and Poniewaz are also finding good chemistry and are putting in some excellent two-way play, pulling weight both on offense and defense.

With the shift to Diamond formation, the Bro’s two centers have started to demonstrate their leadership. Fabian “London Calling” Figi and Stephan “The Guns of Brixton” are truly stepping up to the plate, playing hard on offense and defense. Figi quarterbacked the team well, and sacrificed his body in the play on numerous occasions. Figi came up scoreless tonight, but had several assists, and set up some top-notch plays and strong breakouts. Stephan “The Guns of Brixton” Meyer had the hot hands last night, racking up another casual hat-trick. Meyer scored in a variety of situations including a “sick-nasty-side-to-side” deke and took the Sweethearts goalie by surprise. Meyer earned the Bro’s second star last night for the hat-trick and is off to a stellar season.

While the new diamond formation generated extra offense, it put extra pressure on Broalie Steve “Lost in the Supermarket” Sullivan. Sullivan had a tough game but kept his cool and came up with some epic saves. Sully treated the crowd to a show, complete with TV glove saves, wide-split toe saves, and expert rebound control. Sullivan even managed a signature “Quadruple Save”, stopping a first shot and three rebounds on a full split across the net – a feat that earned him a resounding “NUH NUH NUH – NUH NUH NUH” from the crowd. Sully’s performance earned him the coveted Gonzales Flag, stopping just enough shots to give the Bros a win.

Overall, the Bros played well and powered through a gritty and exhausting match. Next Monday they face the formidable Wolves of Pond St. at 7:45 PM in what is sure to be an exciting match.

You can Crush them, you can bruise them, but you’ll have to answer to…
the Guns of Bro-ton!

GAME NOTES
–Scott “The Card Cheat” Van Pelt’s hamstring kept him out of this week’s game. Reports say the leprosy is also improving and it is unlikely it will claim any more of his limbs.
–Captain Andrew “Jimmie Jazz” Feigenbaum was off somewhere playing with rocks and was a healthy scratch.

BY THE NUMBERS

#Lots—Number of Saves last night for Sullivan
4– Straight scoring games for Ross Tagtow
3– Straight Wins for the Bros, all playing the Diamond formation

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