FEELING LOW SOMETIMES WHEN THE LIGHT SHINES DOWN: BROS SUFFER BLOW FROM LAYIN’ PIPE

AUSTIN, Texas (AP)- After a night of shakeups atThe Pond Hockey Club that began with a three-way tie for first between Bros HC, SweetHarts, and Layin’ Pipe, only Layin’ Pipe remained at the top of the mountain. Pipe handily defeated the Bros 15-7 in a game in which the Bros Light never held the lead.

The rink was buzzing with excitement after news hit the wire yesterday morning that Noah “Holy Ghost” Leggett was officially signed by the Bros for the remainder of this season. The highly touted player is expected to bolster the Bros defensively as they push for a championship this summer. Leggett didn’t disappoint, scoring on a backhand shot to put the Bros on the board. Steph “Canal Street” Meyer scored two goals and had a beautiful assist, with a precision pass to captain Andrew “Jukebox Joints” Feigenbaum who buried the puck past Pipe goalie Jimmie Allen.

While Meyer was unable to convert on his two penalty shots, Feigenbaum beat Allen on his penalty shot, going top shelf over Allen’s shoulder. Feigenbaum was awarded the team’s much-coveted Gonzales Flag for his offensive efforts in his return after a two-week hiatus in the Texas Panhandle. Pierre McGuire caught up with Feigenbaum after the game to discuss how it felt to be back on the ice after nearly three weeks off. Glowering, the captain responded, “Pierre, we just really got outplayed tonight. Figi (Fabian “Wavybone” Figi and Steph really hustled hard, Creasey (John “Electric Body” Creasey) played tough in net for us… we’re not a lesser team, they just outplayed us tonight plain and simple.” McGuire also popped in to Figi’s locker and asked Figi about how the Bros will move forward from this devastating loss. Figi, an unsung hero from the night’s game, didn’t have much to say, “We’re a good team, but we keep making the same mistakes. Yeah, we were playing with a short bench tonight, but excuses don’t put points in the win column.”

The Bros short bench valiantly fought off countless waves of Pipe forechecks. Pipe consistently beat the Bros in neutral zone board battles, and continuously converted the turnovers into goals. Roy “Pharsyde” St. John and Leggett played well, but the team’s inability to move the puck through the neutral zone proved to be the fatal dagger.

Feigenbaum and Eddie “Lord Pretty Flacko Jodye 2” Valls teamed up well as an offensive pair, with Feigenbaum finding Valls with a pass off the boards. Valls scored with a sneaky short-side five- hole goal. Valls also added another goal in the second half.
Scott “Fine Whine” Poniewaz continues to improve at this level of play, and had two fantastic chances. His first shot of the night was a laser-guided missile that ricocheted off the top bar and into the rafters. His second shot was on a similar trajectory, only barely missing wide. Poniewaz’s green gloves got the Bros second star of the game. Danno “M’$” Pranno provided solid net presence, which allowed for Leggett’s goal and Valls’ second goal.
Next Monday, the Bros face off against the Griffins at 6:30pm. The Star and Cannon need a win to remain in the hunt for a championship.

BY THE NUMBERS:
15- Most goals given up by the Bros since Game 1 of this season.
4- Missed penalty shots by the Bros.
3- Bros with multiple goals.

GAME NOTES:
– Bro Marc Henderson is out for the remainder of the season. He lost all of his oxen shortly after traveling through Fort Kearney.
– Bro Steven Sullivan missed the game because he was fulfilling a lifelong dream of having a cameo performance on “Real Housewives of Atlanta.”
– Bro Scott Van Pelt is expected to make his return next week. He missed last night’s game because the team doctor still hasn’t medically cleared him of his hamstring leprocy.
-Bro Ross Tagtow missed the game because he was in Boston recreating the bar scene from “Good Will Hunting.” Let’s just hope there were no worms in the apples.

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