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AUSTIN, TX (Tribune) — The Pond Hockey Club. Three weeks into the 2017-2018 Fall/Winter season the Bros Hockey Club looked to tip the scales towards the win column after the first two weeks brought a win and a loss, respectively. After falling to the Golden Thrashers in a slow, boring game the week previous, this correspondent decided against documenting the loss and went to ACL instead, much to the chagrin of readers like Scott “Bro on High Dough” Van Pelt out on paternity leave who couldn’t resist writing a letter to the editor about the lack of coverage. Good to know his priorities are still in check.

The Bros knew going into this week’s game that the Big Benders Hockey Club would try and live up to their name — as the boys in green sweaters are big dudes who like to throw their weight around and bend the rules. The Bros adorned their yellow jerseys, and played like they were snake-bitten for the first few shifts as the Benders set the tempo. The Bros’ offense had difficulty connecting on passes and failed to generate scoring opportunities. Thankfully, their defense stepped up to shut down the Benders. Michelle “I’ll Believe in Bro” Stock continued blocking shots and clearing the puck from the zone. When Nick “New Orleans is Sinking, Bro” and Noah “38 Years Bro” Leggett weren’t dangling in the neutral zone they were shutting down the Benders offense by not letting them get a clean shot off. Things even got heated between the Leggett Bros and former Bro Bert “Boots or Bros” Bischof (say that three times fast). Captain Andrew “Bro Didn’t Know” Feigenbaum went hard into corners and cleared the crease of Benders at every opportunity.

With five minutes left the Bros went on a power play, which would be the first of many for both teams throughout the game as the referees struggled with the theoretical concept of consistency, but failed to convert. Then, with thirty seconds left in the first, Travis “Everytime You Bro” Considine blocked a shot from the point, raced to the puck behind the Bender’s defense, and connected with Layne “When The Bro Comes Down” Brougher who drove hard down the center of the ice and found the back of the net to make it 1-0 Bros.

The lead didn’t last long when the Benders scored 15 seconds into the second. The two teams continued to battle along the boards as the play grew more aggressive and the penalties started stacking up. The Bros began applying more pressure in the offensive zone, which paid off when Chris “Trickle Down Bro” Beard deflected a shot from Considine that trickled into the goal making it 2-1. The Benders rallied offensively, and found themselves with in an odd man rush all the way to the crease until Chris “Another Midnight” Luscombe dropped to the ice, stacked his pads, and made a highlight-reel glove save. However, the Benders were able to score late in the second to tie it up.

The third period seemed longer than the first two combined. More penalties. More Benders bitching. More Bros in the box. That is, until Ross “Opiated Bro” Tagtow (still fuming after a bad call that put him in the penalty box) played like a man possessed and found vengeance with a goal off an amazing pass from Jay “Vaccination Scar Bro” Wood. Assistant captain Fabian “The Darkest Bro” Figi kept winning faceoffs and finding wingers like Steve “Bro, Too” Czerniak and Brian “The New Bro,” Cunningham who each protected the puck and made smart decisions as the clock winded down.

Desperate, the Benders pulled their goalie with under two minutes in the game. After a failed offensive zone rush by the Benders, Cam “Little Bones Bro”  Cunningham found the puck at center ice and sent the it down to score on an empty net. After a hard fought game the Bros emerged victorious, 4-2.

With two assists and only one penalty, Trav Trav Considine took home star of the game. BHL correspondent Kelly Nash spoke to Trav Trav while he sipped on a nice red wine at the post game press-avail and mused about his performance. “I don’t know what got into me tonight,” Considine said. “I didn’t even have any salts and I had to pee the entire game. Maybe I should try that every week?”

The Bros look to stay hot against a rising Bingham Marine (nee Snipez) squad next Wednesday.


  • Seth Johnson was placed on waivers after experiencing a back injury. The Bros signed original Bro Kevin Mako back to the squad and longtime Bro Layne Brougher as a split in place of Johnson.


10- goals for the Bros, good for…

…4th in offensive output.

8- goals against the Bros, good for…

…a tie for first and a…

90.7 saves against average for Luscombe.


“I have no illusions of the future. Or maybe it’s all illusion. I don’t know. I’ve always been ready for it.” — RIP Gord.


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