HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH WITH BROS: TEAM OUTLASTS BIG BENDERS

AUSTIN, TX (Austonian Post) — Three hundred ninety-six years after the Pilgrims gathered for the first Thanksgiving at Plymouth, the Bros Hockey Club (BHC) gathered for an Autumn harvest of their own. BHC chose to commemorate the celebration by unveiling their new jerseys at The Pond in their first Saturday game of the 2017-18 Fall/Winter League. The Bros were optimistic that the new sweaters would bring them luck, because the last two games they played as if they were skating around wrapped in wool the Pilgrims handed out as party favors.

The Bros faced off against Big Benders Hockey Club (BB), who likely benefited from a solid scouting report from three former BHC members, Bert, Bags, and Kerry DeliMeats. The play was frustratingly slow to start, which worked against the Bros looking to steal momentum with their quick style of play. Instead, the Benders struck first half-way through the first period.

The Benders’ lead was short-lived as the BHC worked to stay disciplined and move as a team. Their effort was rewarded when TravTrav “Born to Bro” Considine scored after a few short passes on the breakout and a nice feed from Noah “Bro Jeans” Leggett left him with a clear shot from the right point that found the back of the net. From there the Bros started to determine the tempo of the game. Though the Benders would strike again next, the Bros were relentless in their offensive pressure in the second period. Ross “Bro Games” Tagtow scored on a determined shift as a result of multiple shot attempts and extended puck possession. Not to be outdone by his evil (sort of) twin brother, Nick “Diet Mountain Bro” Leggett would pick up the apple on the play.

With the game tied going into the third period, both teams turned up the heat. Jay “Bro Anthem” Wood and Steve “Dark Bro” Czerniak played like two angry dads at the Thanksgiving table, carving up the wings and feeding the children. Michelle “Carmen Bro” Stock anchored the Bro defense while the team continued moving their feet with great determination, drawing penalties. Chris “Million Dollar Bro” Beard scored to give BHC their first lead of the game with less than half the final period to play, but a late goal from the Benders sent the game to a shootout.

Bro’s netminder Chris “Summertime Bro” Luscombe stopped all three shootout attempts, his yellow pads like rays of sunshine blinding Benders’ shooters. And then finally, Layne “This Is What Makes Us Bros” Brougher ended the game with a five-hole bullseye. Brougher would later be awarded the team flag as a result of his prowess, which he derives from a red helmet with ancient powers.

After the game, this correspondent spoke with Scott Van Pelt, the OG Bro currently out on paternity leave, who answered the call to help fill the Bros’ roster during the holiday weekend. “Being a dad is a lot like being a beer league hockey player,” mused SVP. “It’s exhausting, you can go months without scoring, you have to deal with a bunch of shit, piss, and whining — and at the end of it all you’re thankful for every moment but really you just want to hit the hot showers with a cold beer and for nobody to ever speak to you, again.”

 

GAME NOTES

Bros outshot the Benders by a 2:1 ratio

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